Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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