She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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