It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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