Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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