I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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