Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
