I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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