How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
