Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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