my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
