I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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