why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
