You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
