Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
