so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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