stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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