There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are my feet made of real feet?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
