You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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