Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
