i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
