its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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