"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
