Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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