I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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