i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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