I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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