...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
