My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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