My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
