alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
