theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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