we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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