Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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