Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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