***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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