Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
