I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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