Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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