DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
