Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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