Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
