So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
