So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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