a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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