I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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