listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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