She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
