god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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