So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
