I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i think im in europe. pls send help
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize