i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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