So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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