Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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