I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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