I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
