you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My liver just had a heart attack.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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