i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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