Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
