hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
