are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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