the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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