You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
