apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
