that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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