Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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