I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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